Well... not technically, but it was close. We've continually been told to be prepared to fail here, but I just kept brushing it off. Of course I would do well- I got here didn't I? Turns out it's not that simple. I learned that I'm in for a world of trouble if I don't change my study habits. Or form some study habits. Or just study, actually, that would be a good place to start. I'm not upset about getting a bad grade... I'm upset by the fact that I knew I could do better and just didn't bother to try at the end. I gave up.
I hate to quote something like the band Taking Back Sunday, but I keep thinking of these lyrics- "So so so sick of being tired, and oh so tired of being sick" in their very upbeat sing-song style. No matter how run down I feel, I get up in the morning and go. Those of you who know me (and those of you who have just met me and have quickly figured this out...) will know that I LOVE sleeping. I'm usually quite good at it. Lately, however, I've been surviving on a mere 6 hours a night (gasp!) and it's killing me. I've turned into Super Bitch, and that doesn't sit very well with me (or my classmates). That said, I still can't find enough time in the day to get all the studying done.
Someone used an analogy of juggling during orientation... (I think... that was light-years ago...) We were told that our careers, hobbies, education, etc were balls made of rubber, but things like family and health were made of glass. I don't like this analogy because it's too... well... I'm not really sure. I just know that the image of my friends and health smashing into millions of pieces kind of freaks me out. I keep thinking of the fight scene in Eclipse. Yes, that Twilight movie. Don't hate, I loved it and I'm not ashamed!
So, what did I learn by taking and (almost) failing this test?
1. The real reason why high fructose corn syrup is bad for you (despite what the creepy corn association ads are saying these days)
2. I love sleep, but I don't need it... much
3. I can do better
4. Second breakfast makes me happy
(That last one I figured out weeks ago, but it still makes me happy so I thought I'd throw it in here!)
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Med School is Hard!
The short of it is that we have our first test on Monday, and the buzz is almost palpable (will we learn that one in OMT?). People are nervous, to say the least, and the general consensus is that this shit just got real! We've had more lectures this week than the previous two, and the content continues to get heavier. At one point, a fellow classmate commented that he felt like he needed a lifejacket to keep up with the biochemistry... the response from the Professor? "There's going to be a lot of swimming!" At least they're honest...
It's not just that they're expecting a lot from us academically that's overwhelming, it's that there's SO MUCH happening ALL THE TIME! Every day there are dozens of emails announcing projects, clubs, dinners, study sessions, seminars, conferences, appointments, and anything else you could imagine happening in the greater SF area. I've definitely lost the time I had before school to do normal things, like watch TV or floss- and my room constantly looks like a natural disaster clean up zone, but I'm still smiling!
That said, I'm still incredibly excited to be here- tests and all! It's hard to be upset about something you've worked your whole life for. I was one of those "I wanna be a doctor" kids since I can remember, and that helps me when I'm feeling particularly stressed about classes and the schedule overall. It's a matter of perspective. I'm grateful that I have the opportunity to be here in medical school because, according to some statistics, I shouldn't be here. There were many paths my life could have gone down, and I ended up here anyway. I know that because I had to fight so hard to get here (blood, sweat, tears, and a crapload of cash!), I have a greater understanding of why I deserve to be here and no matter how hard it gets- because it will be impossible at times- I can't lose sight of that.
Rap stars like to remind people of "where they're from," and I find that I can sort of relate to that- partially to keep my street cred (NH!), but mostly because it keeps me grounded- right sized. I may not be Becka from the block (JLo you're a legend) but I will always be Becka- even when I'm Doctor Becka. So, classmates, when you're struggling to keep up and questioning why you ever wanted to come here in the first place -masochism aside- remember what was said the first day in orientation: Remember when you first realized you wanted to be a doctor, and hold on to that. THAT is our lifejacket.
It's not just that they're expecting a lot from us academically that's overwhelming, it's that there's SO MUCH happening ALL THE TIME! Every day there are dozens of emails announcing projects, clubs, dinners, study sessions, seminars, conferences, appointments, and anything else you could imagine happening in the greater SF area. I've definitely lost the time I had before school to do normal things, like watch TV or floss- and my room constantly looks like a natural disaster clean up zone, but I'm still smiling!
That said, I'm still incredibly excited to be here- tests and all! It's hard to be upset about something you've worked your whole life for. I was one of those "I wanna be a doctor" kids since I can remember, and that helps me when I'm feeling particularly stressed about classes and the schedule overall. It's a matter of perspective. I'm grateful that I have the opportunity to be here in medical school because, according to some statistics, I shouldn't be here. There were many paths my life could have gone down, and I ended up here anyway. I know that because I had to fight so hard to get here (blood, sweat, tears, and a crapload of cash!), I have a greater understanding of why I deserve to be here and no matter how hard it gets- because it will be impossible at times- I can't lose sight of that.
Rap stars like to remind people of "where they're from," and I find that I can sort of relate to that- partially to keep my street cred (NH!), but mostly because it keeps me grounded- right sized. I may not be Becka from the block (JLo you're a legend) but I will always be Becka- even when I'm Doctor Becka. So, classmates, when you're struggling to keep up and questioning why you ever wanted to come here in the first place -masochism aside- remember what was said the first day in orientation: Remember when you first realized you wanted to be a doctor, and hold on to that. THAT is our lifejacket.
Monday, August 16, 2010
How did I get here?
I told you I moved. What I haven't told you yet is how I got here...
I left Boston with my boyfriend, Tim, on July 19th and drove across the country in my brand new car, Norbert. We planned our (ambitious) route covering 6 days and more than 3,000 miles- stopping at some well known, other more obscure tourist attractions along the way. It was a ridiculous amount of driving and there were times when I was pretty sure I was hallucinating (really- how can there be that many corn and cow fields in 1 state?!)- but it was an amazing experience and I greatly encourage all of you to do it. Right now. Just go!
The days leading up to the trip were probably the hardest. I kept envisioning packing my car with all of my belongings, then getting into some kind of freak accident involving a booze crazed truck driver, winding cliff lined mountain roads, thousands of feather covered chicken cages and, most certainly, a tragic fiery death. Luckily for me (and the chickens) none of these highly unlikely, irrational, neurotic & fantastical situations occurred... and if there were any booze crazed truck drivers, we didn't happen to cross paths.
Our first stop was Niagra Falls.
Tim was reluctant to stop so close to home for fear of seeming like a tourist- but I whined so we went :) Naturally, the falls were gorgeous! It's hard to deny the awesomeness of something so massive, and it's probably safe to say "I told you so" to Tim... but I won't. We managed to take plenty of good pics before the strangers started offering to take them of us together (why is that so awkward?), and we even got some super hott ponchos so we could walk down next to the falls. My favorite part was the squishy sound from the sweet foam sandals they gave us!
The next leg of our trip was less exciting as far as terrain (corn & cows...), but we did happen upon some of the biggest (read: scariest) thunderstorms I've even seen in my life. You could see the rain coming for you... I mean towards you, and that felt pretty cool and we did get some pretty pictures. A quick drive through St. Louis, stop at the Meramac Caverns, and we were well on our way to Texas. I'll spare you the details of Oklahoma. (Cows... oh, and corn).
I left Boston with my boyfriend, Tim, on July 19th and drove across the country in my brand new car, Norbert. We planned our (ambitious) route covering 6 days and more than 3,000 miles- stopping at some well known, other more obscure tourist attractions along the way. It was a ridiculous amount of driving and there were times when I was pretty sure I was hallucinating (really- how can there be that many corn and cow fields in 1 state?!)- but it was an amazing experience and I greatly encourage all of you to do it. Right now. Just go!
The days leading up to the trip were probably the hardest. I kept envisioning packing my car with all of my belongings, then getting into some kind of freak accident involving a booze crazed truck driver, winding cliff lined mountain roads, thousands of feather covered chicken cages and, most certainly, a tragic fiery death. Luckily for me (and the chickens) none of these highly unlikely, irrational, neurotic & fantastical situations occurred... and if there were any booze crazed truck drivers, we didn't happen to cross paths.
Our first stop was Niagra Falls.
Tim was reluctant to stop so close to home for fear of seeming like a tourist- but I whined so we went :) Naturally, the falls were gorgeous! It's hard to deny the awesomeness of something so massive, and it's probably safe to say "I told you so" to Tim... but I won't. We managed to take plenty of good pics before the strangers started offering to take them of us together (why is that so awkward?), and we even got some super hott ponchos so we could walk down next to the falls. My favorite part was the squishy sound from the sweet foam sandals they gave us!
The next leg of our trip was less exciting as far as terrain (corn & cows...), but we did happen upon some of the biggest (read: scariest) thunderstorms I've even seen in my life. You could see the rain coming for you... I mean towards you, and that felt pretty cool and we did get some pretty pictures. A quick drive through St. Louis, stop at the Meramac Caverns, and we were well on our way to Texas. I'll spare you the details of Oklahoma. (Cows... oh, and corn).
I have to say, Texas and New Mexico were pretty great, as far as states are concerned. But my absolute favorite of this trip was Arizona. It was kind of cool watching the landscape change throughout the day, but you can't really put into words how big and overwhelming Arizona terrain can be. It was so vivid and alive with color everywhere and in very different ways. We drove through forests, mountains, and the desert all in one day, stopping at the Petrified National Forest and the Grand Canyon. If you ever want to feel humbled, go to the Grand Canyon. Tim kept telling me to imagine I was riding a horse up the mountain on the way there, like I had wandered off the Oregon trail on my way west or something. (I do have a pretty lame sense of direction... I could have wandered that far!) Just try and picture what it was like to be the first one to see it. I assumed whoever it was would be pretty pissed off...
"Son of a... you've got to be kidding me!! I just rode Gertrude (that's the horse) for 3 days to get up this bitch of a hill! Now I have to go ALLLLL the way around?!"
Anyway- I was in awe, to say the least, and mostly we just sat quietly to soak it all in.
We knew we were close when we passed the first In n' Out Burger and really just wanted to push on. Six days of being in a car will make you excited to get anywhere as long as you were done driving! We set up our tent one last time, this night on the edge of the Mojave desert. With an early start, we made it to route 1 near Atascadero, CA after lunch (at In n' Out, woo!) and drove one of the most beautiful, dangerous, fun roads I've seen. It was slow going, but so worth it. When we finally got to my new home, I was far too exhausted and overwhelmed to really take anything in... but this neighborhood is certainly worth it's very own blog entry! So, with that, I'll leave you with some pics from route 1 and get back to my studies!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Oh hai, Internets.
Do you ever just feel like writing? Or talking? How about singing in the car?
I just feel full to bursting with information, emotions, confusion, and opinions, so blogging seemed the appropriate outlet. Writing isn't a strong skill for me- in fact, most of the time I hate doing it, but it'll work...At least for now!
My back home humans keep asking for updates and this seems an easy way to please both parties. (this works for both of us!)
I just moved to the North Bay in California from Boston and feel like my world was turned upside down (eastside west?). The grocery stores are different, nobody says wicked, I have to drive EVERYWHERE, and it's definitely not warm here. I was duped. I start most sentences with "in Boston..." lately and I'm sure it's getting old. I've been chucked into a new environment and have no idea what to expect. I've been waiting (and working) my whole life to get here, but now I feel sort of like... "Cool. Now what?"
I'm a first year medical student.
I'm psyched.
I'm scared to death.
I'm not sure what I was thinking.
I couldn't be more grateful.
Today we did an exercise with our classmates that got me thinking (I'm sure the professors saw that coming)... I have no effing idea who any of these people are! We've only been here a week, but it definitely feels like I've known my new friends for much longer. We're all trying to figure each other out and it's interesting to see who divulges what about themselves- who trusts whom with any detail about who they were, what they did before coming here, and what they hope to get by being here. We've talked about relationships, strengths and weaknesses, life experiences, favorites, politics, and weather. I've got a lot to learn. We're a strange collection with all varieties of life experiences, and I only hope that makes the group stronger because, like it or not, we're in this (All in, all the time!) for a while. Together. I like that.
That said- I've tended to keep a lot to myself. I'm not trying to be... sketchy... I'm just hesitant, I guess.
I just feel full to bursting with information, emotions, confusion, and opinions, so blogging seemed the appropriate outlet. Writing isn't a strong skill for me- in fact, most of the time I hate doing it, but it'll work...At least for now!
My back home humans keep asking for updates and this seems an easy way to please both parties. (this works for both of us!)
I just moved to the North Bay in California from Boston and feel like my world was turned upside down (eastside west?). The grocery stores are different, nobody says wicked, I have to drive EVERYWHERE, and it's definitely not warm here. I was duped. I start most sentences with "in Boston..." lately and I'm sure it's getting old. I've been chucked into a new environment and have no idea what to expect. I've been waiting (and working) my whole life to get here, but now I feel sort of like... "Cool. Now what?"
I'm a first year medical student.
I'm psyched.
I'm scared to death.
I'm not sure what I was thinking.
I couldn't be more grateful.
Today we did an exercise with our classmates that got me thinking (I'm sure the professors saw that coming)... I have no effing idea who any of these people are! We've only been here a week, but it definitely feels like I've known my new friends for much longer. We're all trying to figure each other out and it's interesting to see who divulges what about themselves- who trusts whom with any detail about who they were, what they did before coming here, and what they hope to get by being here. We've talked about relationships, strengths and weaknesses, life experiences, favorites, politics, and weather. I've got a lot to learn. We're a strange collection with all varieties of life experiences, and I only hope that makes the group stronger because, like it or not, we're in this (All in, all the time!) for a while. Together. I like that.
That said- I've tended to keep a lot to myself. I'm not trying to be... sketchy... I'm just hesitant, I guess.
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