Grumplestilskin...

I'm effing cranky. All the time. There's your update -_-

I would probably be less cranky if my stupid back didn't hurt so much every day. Yes, I'm whining.

I wish I had fun things to tell you... but I've just been studying since getting back from Winter break. We're currently learning respiratory physiology (not nearly as thrilling as it sounds...) and will be moving on to renal function shortly. It's all a bit dry while we push through the basics, but next block we will be studying the heart, lungs, & kidneys clinically, so I'm hoping that will be interesting.

Today in doctoring lab we met some pediatric "patients" (they're not sick, just helping us learn). It was really cute to see some of my classmates interacting with them- The kids were good sports, too, which was fun. My team worked with two 9 year olds and a 14 month old- the 9 year olds were scared at first, then kind of too cool, which I found incredibly entertaining! They didn't want to get caught smiling- but they SO did!! They reminded me of Devin & Adidas... (<3). The baby was terrified and wouldn't let anyone come near him- it was too cute! By the end of lab, though, he started exploring a bit and was playing with my stethoscope... we were buddies!

Also- (ok, maybe I am having SOME fun...) for those of you who hadn't heard- I'm on the hip hop dance team (no jokes, please, you love my moves). We recently found out we're going to Vegas in Feb to compete against the TU Nevada dance team :D There's a video on FB of our "show." I've never been to Vegas (surprising what with all the drinking, gambling, and stripping I do...) so this should be interesting...

Both photos property of Jason Duong


xoxo-B

Becka Baggins...

"Going on from there was the bravest thing he ever did. The tremendous things that happened afterward were as nothing compared to it."


This is from The Hobbit (if you can't beat 'em, join 'em) which I've been reading lately. It struck me like a freight train, so I'm sharing it with you. I actually almost cried when I read it. Twice. Sometimes I feel a bit like a hobbit; small, scared & forever starving (hairy feet withstanding).  That's all...


<3 <3 <3
ps. Back at school!

You're 1/2 Irish? I'm 1/8th Doctor...

And just like that- it's over. I'm exhausted, elated, and super emotional. I'm also sitting in Denver International airport waiting 3 hours for a flight I may or may not get on, waiting to go home for the holidays. I can't wait to see friends and family and, most of all, not study. It was a rough semester, what with life happening and all, but I made it. We all made it. Some of our grades were already updated, and I'm happy to say I passed. I definitely did not get an 'A'- but my improvement throughout the semester has made me happy! I feel like I really fell into step with myself as a medstudent- whatever that means. I'm used to things now like sucking it up and sleeping 5 hours some nights, not waxing my eyebrows (ever), and telling Tim "I'm sorry, but we can't watch Xfiles again tonight..." (that was not an inuendo). I'm used to studying like a maniac and STILL not feeling prepared for exams. I'm still not used to California drivers, though- sorry.

I'm looking forward to this break like I couldn't have imagined, but I'm already not sure what to do with myself. What do med students do when there's no studying? I brought 2 books, crochet stuff, 2 movies, a gossip magazine (I'm totes out of the loop these days... Christina divorced? Miley doing drugs? Joe Jonas and a vamp? What's happening to hollywood??), AND there's free wireless... and yet here I am. Bored. Maybe it's because I'm alone, which has been the norm for the past few weeks leading up to exams, and I'm just tired of talking to myself. If we have plans together between now and the 1st, I apologize in advance for everything I didn't tell you about my life the past few months, and the fact that I probably won't stop talking the entire time we're hanging out. Consider yourself warned. I didn't have it in me to plan much for the next 2 weeks... but I'm going to shop, sleep, eat, and relax like hell!

Merry Christmas! And don't forget to buy me stuff for my birthday!
xoxo-B

A grateful heart...

Thanksgiving is a day when people try to think of what they are thankful for so I thought I might share some things from my life that I appreciate. I know- I'm late. But holiday season always makes me feel (extra) grateful, so I feel like I'm right on time with this, since I technically have another month of holiday! I'm excited to go back East and visit friends and family soon but, in the meantime, thinking of this list will be the push I need to get through the next 3 weeks.

Today I'm grateful for:
1. Perspective
2. Armadillos
3. Adventures
4. Breakfast
5. Hot tea
6. Multi color pens
7. Tim
8. My California license plates
9. Singing in the car. Extra loud.
10. New friends
11. The couch- it's that amazing.
12. Seeing some family over Thanksgiving weekend
13. Being in medical school
14. My health
15. Healthy grieving
16. Sleeping
17. Magic slippers
18. Humor
19. Love
20. A good book (or 7...)
21. Sunsets
22. New places
23. Dancing
24. Christmas music

I try to write one of these whenever a fresh first world problem disrupts my serenity... it's comforting to see how things have changed and know that more growth is possible.
Happy Thanksgiving! <3

Settled?

Holy crap, I survived!!

Might seem a bit melodramatic to you, but jeez louise have I been pushed these past few weeks. I was feeling all sorts of crazy and it was hard to put my finger on the one thing that was making me feel that way. Well... maybe not SO hard. I made a decision recently (with the help of my wonderful man candy) to not pursue something that may or may not have gone very badly... or not... if I seem vague, it's on purpose. Basically there's a crazy bitch doing crazy things and I'd rather not get into it online (though if you've been within a 10 foot radius of me lately you've probably heard some amazing stories).

What I realized (again- thanks man candy) is that my emotional well being is worth WAY MORE than anything that could have come from the situation had I taken it any further. I've already got a full plate with school and processing recent losses, not to mention the constant stimulation of being in a new place. I love my life, and I (finally) love myself- and usually I don't let other people hold power over those things. I'm not sure how I let this situation go on for so long, but it's over now.

Also, I got a B on my most recent test! Yay me! It's nice to finally feel like the hard work is paying off. I think I'm settling in here and (with the help of our fabulous new couch) it's starting to feel like home... even if it still doesn't feel like November.

Seriously, it's sunny and 65 every day- it's amazing! <3

Agnes...

I flew back to New England this weekend to see my grandmother. She's 84 years old and 4 feet 8 (and a half) inches tall. She's quiet, strong, and loves the beach. When I was 4 I told a stranger to "shut up" and she told me not to be "fresh" - whatever that means. I've never seen her sick, and my suspisions of her amazing immune system have been confirmed- up until now, she had only been to the hospital 6 times- all of which were to deliver 6 out of 7 of her babies (the first being born at home). My grandmother has cancer. Of course she does. What else would cause her to need a doctor? Through the emergency department, no less.

It's hard extracting reliable information from family members about what's going on inside her body. I wanted to pretend that I would understand, being a first year in medical school I practically could  have diagnosed her myself (... does sarcasm translate well in blogs?). Part of me wanted to know where it was, how far it had progessed, what was going to happen, and how long things would go on. I wanted to be able to say I knew what was happening and how it would turn out. I wanted to help her and my family. As soon as I got there and saw my tiny (no offense, Grandmother) helpless gram in an ugly hospital jonny with those awful socks they make you wear, I was overwhelmed with gratitude. I'm grateful to the people who helped me fly home. I'm grateful that the storm held off long enough to let my flight land. I'm grateful I realized that time is precious and family is love long before this weekend. I didn't care about the disease anymore.

Just before I left, Grandmother said to me "The ones who have to work the hardest make it the farthest. Just like you. Go and learn and be a doctor. I'm so proud of you." I don't  know that she's ever said more to me my whole life- Irish Catholics have a way of keeping their thoughts to themselves (too bad I wasn't born with that gene, huh?).

My grandmother is going to die- I know that. I'm sad that I probably won't be able to get back home until Christmas, but in the meantime I'm happy to know that being here is exactly where she wants me to be right now.


I'm on the plane back to Cali now. After a much needed fall break, class starts again on Monday. I need more time. I need to be at home. I need to cry and be angry with god. But I can't. I need to be a medical student.

In the hospital she asked "Are you going to be able to do this? Are you going to be able to have patients that are in pain all the time?" Probably not, Grandmother, but I'll have to figure something out.

3 Day Weekend Extravaganza!

Holy crap, you guys, where did I go?

We just finished our first block of medical school- yay!! AND I have the next 3 days to do whatever the heck I want! No studying, most importantly- I think I'll explore :)

More on that later... for now there's too much fun to be had.